Why?

I started writing to try to figure things out, but I still keep asking myself "why?".

Why am still searching? Why am I still trying to find inner happiness? Where did it go? Or maybe it's always been missing. Can I ever find that inner peace and relief from all my anxieties? Maybe I'm only kidding myself and it doesn't really exist.

I just keep wondering...

What is wrong with me?

The Lucas Letters: Month One

My Dearest Son,

Have I ever told you about that one time I got drunk, threw-up in a trash can, and proceeded to brake my lady-parts when I delivered a seven pound four ounce baby? No?

I'm sure one day you're going to wake up and wonder "where do babies come from?"... and you'll probably walk over to me and ask if I know the answer. I could tell you what I used to say to your Tia Annette when she would ask, but you probably won't believe me when I tell you we bought you at the mall. Maybe I could get a little more creative and tell you a magical unicorn pooped you out just after it farted a rainbow full of colors, glitter, and gold. I know... I know... eventually you'll learn the truth and someone will tell you unicorns don't really exist, along with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. WHAT!!! Oh my GOD! I was devastated when I found out too.

look what we made!

Lucas Samuel Cutair born March 20, 2013 at 9:46 AM.

7lbs and 4 ounces of absolute perfection... it was love at first sight.