It's been a while...

I know, I know... first question: where the hell have I been? There's no real excuse for my absence, other than being shoulder deep in life. Plain and simple life. It's exhausting!

I wake up each morning tired but ready to push forward. There are days when I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel running at the speed of sound, but still going no where. Strange that it still feel like that. Am I the only one who constantly thinks my life has yet to amount to anything? I mean I don't sit at home on my couch all day, but there are moments when I just don't recognize the progress or accomplishments. I don't want to die and someone at my eulogy talk about how I started a bunch of crap but never managed to finish.

Matt sometimes jokes about it and says I have two-week ADD. I can manage to start something, but after two weeks my mind wanders on to the next shiny object. Pathetic... I know!

Anyhow, life in it's current form consists of long days and longer school nights. I've been swamped at the day job and constantly getting yelled at by night. Let me give you a sample of Chef X's greatest lines. (note: as you read these, think of a very frustrated French chef, who's ready to throw something at you because you're to slow)

"Island one, you have 30 seconds or you're late! You better have your dish up here."

"Keep your eyes on the clock! There are no excuses for being late!"

"How many times do I have to tell you?!... (insert something I did wrong here)."

"You'd better move your who-ha or you'll never make it."

"Where is the CHICKEN! You're LATE!"

Do you see a common theme here? I am never fast enough. I accept that maybe I'm not the speediest bullet, but this is almost unnerving. I go home at night and dream about getting yelled at.... Oh the ANXIETY!

I told this to Chef X once and he said I needed to chill out. Ha! If it were only that easy. I'm waiting for the day to come when he throws me down a flight of stairs because the au jus was "still too thick"...
"it's a jus! It should not be thick like a sauce. You (meaning me) have to not let it reduce so much."

How is it that I can quote him word for word, but when it comes time to cook, I suddenly become a moron? Even worse a ridiculously slow, so slow an 80 year old amputee could cook faster than me kind of moron.

Maybe the cooking Gods will take pity on me and give me speed at the midterm. It's coming up in three days and this could mean the end of my culinary career if I don't pass. I'm in all or nothing baby, so put your chips on the table and let's roll the dice.