What the hell are you doing?

Okay... okay... okay... I'll come out with it already.

In some ways I'm a little embarrassed to say this because I fear you might judge and say mean things about me, but in other ways it's almost liberating to think that I control my destiny. Yup! I get to sit around in pajamas all day if I want to. It's a big responsibility taking life into your own hands and molding your future.

A few days ago I mentioned I was no longer "working for the man". This is 100% totally accurate and never have I felt so at ease in my life. It's true! You don't realize how stressful life can be, when you're at the mercy of someone else's game plan. How I came to this point though was not as I expected it to be.

In a nutshell about eight weeks ago, I was in a position at work where the management group and I were not "on the same page". Unfortunately I'm not allowed to divulge the details because a piece of paper will hold me in contempt BUT... I will say Obama currently signs my paycheck. I was pushed into an early sabbatical so to speak. You don't know the kinds of things your mind will do to you when you have no purpose. For a minute I felt lost, ashamed, embarrassed, scared, depressed, all those things that go with a loss in your identity. And to make all those feelings even worse; all I could think about was how just a few weeks earlier, I left a really good stable company for the possibility of endless riches with this new position.

But is work really what defines you? Your job? I wasn't curing cancer, so why did it matter if I lost my job and didn't have to beat myself up day to day doing something I didn't love? I should have been thankful, because really it was a blessing in disguise!

Considering the timing, this all actually happened in the best possible moment. I was weeks away from graduating culinary school. I'm getting married in a couple months. And best of all it's SUMMER! No longer do I have to deal with the funk of the city in the sweltering summer heat. I get to hang out in my cool apartment, doing all those things I've been putting off for months and really figuring out what living and enjoying life means.

But you're probably wondering right now, as any logical person would... What about money Lily? One day it will come. I'm serious... I am blessed enough to have what I need in life.

Happiness. Love. Health.

Best of all it's the clean canvas I've wanted all my life, so I can paint my future. A fresh start! I've considered it long and hard, and now know that it's not in my destiny to work for someone else (at least not right now anyway). I don't want to sound cliche... but this is my chance to reach for the stars. Why not take it?

In the coming weeks I'll probably need your help and ask with all sincerity and humbleness that you help me make a dream become reality. I've tossed the idea around of creating a food blog, and now I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. So once my food media company is up and running, I hope you'll help to spread the word because it will be my livelihood.

As they say... your work is always best when it comes from the heart.